I DO laugh about the worse version of this problem from five years ago.

At the time we had the same thing happen in a previous vehicle, where the terminals would not stay connected to the new battery. At the time we were living with friends who lived in a city about an hour and a half away from my office, but still had to get back there.

We tried to get back to their house, but every couple miles, the terminal would slip off the battery and the engine would die. We looked for solutions, and at that point it was after midnight, so we couldn't go to an auto parts store to get the actual shims... but basically the only solution is "bulk up the battery posts with lead."

So we limped to a gas station... and bought lead fishing weights, which I hammered flat with the wrench, and had to try and wedge those inside the terminals to create enough of a connection to keep it going. It would still slip, but we'd make it ten or so miles before having to repeat the lead-smashing and wedging process.

We made it "home" at almost 4am.

That night was the genuine worst, but is also just plain silly in retrospect.