mistressofmuses (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mistressofmuses) wrote2022-10-23 07:53 pm
mistressofmuses) wrote2022-10-23 07:53 pm
Entry tags:
I have discovered A Problem...
So, my plan for NaNoWriMo next month has been to try and grind out 50k on a very long-standing project I've had going. I usually call it the "Worldhopping Fairytale Monstrosity" and it's been in some stage of progress (through several incarnations and versions) for close to 15 years at this point.
It's a Kingdom Hearts fic, set after KH2 and ignoring pretty much everything else from the series. (In part because I started it before anything else existed, in part because even once those other games happened I couldn't play them, and in part because the lore got infamously wack after that point and I didn't want to mess with it, lol.)
It's more or less set up similarly to the games, in that the characters visit different worlds, but instead of worlds inspired by Disney movies, the worlds are based around various favorite fairy tales of mine. The overarching plot has to do with the mirror from the fairytale "The Snow Queen" and the broken shards that get into people's eyes and hearts and cause them to see the worst in the world and behave the same. It's got an OT3 endgame.
It shaped up to be very LONG, as the last attempt I made to write it (back in 2018) got barely a third through what I'd planned out, and was already creeping up toward 100k. That represents the *sixth* semi-organized attempt, so I don't really want to start over on a seventh.
So the thought was to reread the 9 or so chapters I have written, and progress from there, figuring that whatever needs fixing and cleaning up can be done on the second draft once the whole damn thing is somehow finished. With that in mind, I started to read it...
Which brings me to the problem.
Eesh, I really don't like it.
Now, granted, this is my feeling after reading the first chapter, which was all I got through last night. I'll read the rest and see if I feel differently.
But... oof. I hate the writing - it's by turns unclear and overly explanatory, it's flat, the characterization is... not great! And I remember being really happy with a couple parts that I thought were vast improvements over previous attempts. Yike.
Pros of this: hey, if stuff from four years ago sounds this rough to me, hopefully that means I've gotten better!
Cons of this: well... I'm not really sure I want to go back to this fic after all. :/
Now, a bad first chapter isn't the end of the world! I could rewrite it! (Which I already planned on doing once I finished the first draft.)
But do I *want* to?
A long time ago (somewhere in the five to ten year ago range, probably) a friend shared something regarding the concept of "idea debt". Those are the creative projects that you've spent a lot of energy and time on, that you want to make work, but that never seem to really get anywhere. It's pretty much just an incarnation of the sunk-cost fallacy. You're so invested in the idea of the idea, and how much effort you've put in already, that you can't bear to let the project go.
I've... long been aware that this project is my biggest personal source of idea debt. I've got multiple playlists devoted to this thing, six different attempted drafts of it, I spent days at one point working out the timeline to ensure that the different characters' paths synced up properly, I sunk a lot of time into researching various fairy tales so I could try and choose ones that served a few consistent themes. While it's been quite on and off, I've been poking at this thing for a decade and a half!
There are plenty of other stories that I have given up on, both fanfic and original, when I realized that hey, I didn't actually care for that, or the inspiration was gone. I've saved ideas and character bits in case some future work could make better use of them, but have been fine moving on. But this is the one thing I keep hanging onto and hoping and believing that someday I'll actually get the damn thing complete.
But maybe it IS time to let it go? The thought of trying to fix the first chapter didn't make me excited to do it, it made me feel tired. And I'm not feeling ALL that hyped about most of the rest of it that needs writing, either. (I did feel excited for it a couple months ago, but not now so much.)
Then again, I don't have anything ELSE I'm excited for either. So it's very possible that it's a general burnout and lack of excitement, not something relating to this project, and if that's the case, it's not "fair" to trash this project entirely over just feeling pretty bleh.
I am going to reread the rest of what I'd written, and we'll see if it changes my mind. (Maybe I'll re-fall in love with the rest, and having to rewrite a lousy opening chapter will feel completely worth it.)
But this introduces at least the possibility of a second problem:
If I DO decide that this project is no longer worth pushing forward on... then what the hell AM I going to try and write for NaNoWriMo??
It's a Kingdom Hearts fic, set after KH2 and ignoring pretty much everything else from the series. (In part because I started it before anything else existed, in part because even once those other games happened I couldn't play them, and in part because the lore got infamously wack after that point and I didn't want to mess with it, lol.)
It's more or less set up similarly to the games, in that the characters visit different worlds, but instead of worlds inspired by Disney movies, the worlds are based around various favorite fairy tales of mine. The overarching plot has to do with the mirror from the fairytale "The Snow Queen" and the broken shards that get into people's eyes and hearts and cause them to see the worst in the world and behave the same. It's got an OT3 endgame.
It shaped up to be very LONG, as the last attempt I made to write it (back in 2018) got barely a third through what I'd planned out, and was already creeping up toward 100k. That represents the *sixth* semi-organized attempt, so I don't really want to start over on a seventh.
So the thought was to reread the 9 or so chapters I have written, and progress from there, figuring that whatever needs fixing and cleaning up can be done on the second draft once the whole damn thing is somehow finished. With that in mind, I started to read it...
Which brings me to the problem.
Eesh, I really don't like it.
Now, granted, this is my feeling after reading the first chapter, which was all I got through last night. I'll read the rest and see if I feel differently.
But... oof. I hate the writing - it's by turns unclear and overly explanatory, it's flat, the characterization is... not great! And I remember being really happy with a couple parts that I thought were vast improvements over previous attempts. Yike.
Pros of this: hey, if stuff from four years ago sounds this rough to me, hopefully that means I've gotten better!
Cons of this: well... I'm not really sure I want to go back to this fic after all. :/
Now, a bad first chapter isn't the end of the world! I could rewrite it! (Which I already planned on doing once I finished the first draft.)
But do I *want* to?
A long time ago (somewhere in the five to ten year ago range, probably) a friend shared something regarding the concept of "idea debt". Those are the creative projects that you've spent a lot of energy and time on, that you want to make work, but that never seem to really get anywhere. It's pretty much just an incarnation of the sunk-cost fallacy. You're so invested in the idea of the idea, and how much effort you've put in already, that you can't bear to let the project go.
I've... long been aware that this project is my biggest personal source of idea debt. I've got multiple playlists devoted to this thing, six different attempted drafts of it, I spent days at one point working out the timeline to ensure that the different characters' paths synced up properly, I sunk a lot of time into researching various fairy tales so I could try and choose ones that served a few consistent themes. While it's been quite on and off, I've been poking at this thing for a decade and a half!
There are plenty of other stories that I have given up on, both fanfic and original, when I realized that hey, I didn't actually care for that, or the inspiration was gone. I've saved ideas and character bits in case some future work could make better use of them, but have been fine moving on. But this is the one thing I keep hanging onto and hoping and believing that someday I'll actually get the damn thing complete.
But maybe it IS time to let it go? The thought of trying to fix the first chapter didn't make me excited to do it, it made me feel tired. And I'm not feeling ALL that hyped about most of the rest of it that needs writing, either. (I did feel excited for it a couple months ago, but not now so much.)
Then again, I don't have anything ELSE I'm excited for either. So it's very possible that it's a general burnout and lack of excitement, not something relating to this project, and if that's the case, it's not "fair" to trash this project entirely over just feeling pretty bleh.
I am going to reread the rest of what I'd written, and we'll see if it changes my mind. (Maybe I'll re-fall in love with the rest, and having to rewrite a lousy opening chapter will feel completely worth it.)
But this introduces at least the possibility of a second problem:
If I DO decide that this project is no longer worth pushing forward on... then what the hell AM I going to try and write for NaNoWriMo??
no subject
Basically, that was me post-drama-craptasm. I had invested over a million words into the multiverse at that point [now it's over three million LOL] and I still had stories in those specific universes taking up space in my head that wouldn't let go, so I spent about a month of editing hell. Having said that, I'm not sure I would make the same decision now in 2022 - the edits happened in December 2020 about two months before I got COVID the first time and it ate my brain, I don't have the kind of energy now to edit like that. I don't regret continuing on with the multiverse and writing my OCs and canon characters in new things, but I don't recommend the kind of heavy editing I had to do [I needed two beta readers because it was just SO MUCH].
I have no advice for you on what to write for NaNo. I'm not doing it this year, because I have other projects to work on [I may start a new WIP next month but I don't think I can wring 50k words out of it]. But I wish you luck with figuring out whether you continue old project or abandon and start something new.
no subject
I'm glad you don't regret continuing it, even though it sounds like beyond a lot, though I also understand that feeling of still not being sure you would have made that same choice. And I also get you on the Covid doing a number on your brain thing. I'm still trying to suss out if I've actually got some lingering Covid-related brainfog or if I'm just like this, but it SEEMS to be worse since I got it, despite it having been a relatively mild case.
The daily tracking of NaNo (in a way that feels more official than anything I can do on my own) tends to help me be productive with writing... though it also usually burns me out, yet I commit year after year.
Thank you - I'll figure out something to try and work on, I'm sure!
no subject
Does the idea itself still speak to you? Like, if you'd just come up with it would it be something you'd want to invest time in now? If so, would it be possible to scrap that actual writing that you've done, save for an outline, and start over? Or does the thought of that make you want to pull your hair out?
If you don't come up with a large project, can you do several small ones? Use them for a bingo card or something? Just let your muse have her head?
Whichever you decide, best of luck!!!!
no subject
That's sort of what I'm trying to decide. Like... if I think about starting the whole thing over from scratch again... I don't think I'd want to. Knowing what a big project it would be, I just feel like there are things I'd rather spend the time on. There are aspects of it that I still really DO like the idea of, but... It falls into the "I'd love to read this (a good version, anyway), and if I want to do that, I'll have to write it" category, but I'm not sure if an audience of me is worth the time investment, lol.
I'll see if I feel differently after I read the rest.
Several small things is definitely an alternative option (and probably one that would be easier than figuring out a whole plotline for a bigger something at such late notice.)
Thank you! I appreciate it!
no subject
no subject
no subject
Fingers crossed that you can figure out what you want to do for NaNo!
no subject
Sometimes this particular idea just absolutely sneaks back up on me and feels super exciting again... but I really do have to decide whether it's worth the effort, ha.
Thank you! I'm sure I'll figure something out!
no subject
I've definitely caught myself in the sunk-cost fallacy with writing projects before. It's tough to realize you need to let go when you've put so much of your heart into something. I wish you strength and confidence in whatever you decide.
If you do come to realize it's general burnout, not specific to this project, maybe you need to take a writing break? I find that throwing myself into reading or a new video game can bring the excitement back. Maybe instead of NaNoWriMo you could set a goal of reading 5 novels, or play through KH 1 & 2 before November ends?
no subject
So thank you!
I haven't really written much for the last couple months, so I sort of hope I *don't* need to take another month off... though work has been causing extra stress that makes it hard to turn much energy to creative things. Putting time toward reading or gaming or something enjoyable that requires less *work* might be a good idea.