mistressofmuses | Another day of good intentions sunk by being just... so tired.

I did get confirmation that Sunday is the last day I need to do the voicemail project, which is a big relief.

Spent an hour and a half at work today in the wooooorst meeting that should have been an email. (On the one hand, good that the meeting about all the stuff we should remember to do was all stuff I already remember to do. On the other... oh, ninety minutes I don't get back, lol. On a mysterious third hand, I'm annoyed that it was such a waste, because they've delayed this promised meeting for MONTHS, and then they spend the whole time on useless crap?)

I finished the second draft of one of the AU fics last night, but it was late enough I didn't feel like going through the hassle of posting it. I was glad I could post it today, in the hopes it would maybe make me feel a bit productive to start my evening, and see if that would inspire more.
Can you guess what I didn't do?
(By the time we'd eaten dinner and I'd made it through a bit of stuff here, it was already late enough that posting the fic would show up under tomorrow's date, so I might as well wait until tomorrow...)

But now I'm also ready to just Be Asleep, and writing more sounds beyond me.

I'm really tired of feeling so exhausted every fucking night. Getting more rest doesn't seem to *help*, but trying to force my way through doesn't yield anything useful, so it feels like I'm just screwed either way.

(Is this lingering fatigue from getting covid last year? It doesn't seem quite consistent enough for that, but it really is like hitting a fucking WALL, the way I associate with fatigue. It also seems more severe than the tiredness I sometimes had prior to covid, though I'm not sure it's really a stark pre- vs. post-covid experience.
Is this some sort of migraine nonsense? It's only recently that I started to learn about migraines that present with more than just severe pain (thanks to some people here and a couple coworkers who have them), and I almost never *don't* have a headache - the headaches I have just aren't always the debilitating kind I associated with the migraines I got when I was a student. But they do seem to come with the brain fog and exhaustion that sound unfortunately typical for some of my other friends. And I did have that ocular migraine/aura episode a couple months ago, which was the first of its kind that I experienced.
Is this just plain old work stress burnout? Also plausible!)

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It could also be all of the above.

Anecdotally - almost everyone I know who's had COVID at least once hasn't felt quite themselves since having it. It's not always the moderate-to-severe, debilitating stuff people associate with long COVID, it's more mild, but it's still something.

That's always a fun possibility, too! It could be a mix!

I'm kind of glad to hear you say that, because that's sort of the same thing I've noticed as well - almost everyone has said there's SOMETHING that has felt off for them post-covid. I know my mom had it twice, and she recovered well, but said that every once in a while she still has episodes of serious brain fog that interrupt her ability to work or read or do much of anything, which was not a problem for her prior.
I'm glad I'm mostly able to do what I need to do, but by the time I push through 8 hours of work nonsense, I've just got nothing left anymore.

I personally am not as debilitated as I was the first year after I had COVID the first time but there's definitely a "new normal" of shortness of breath, fatigue, brain fog/more attention issues, and so on. So I still consider myself to have long COVID even though it's not as awful as it initially was. But yeah, even people who didn't have an absolutely "this kicked my ass" first few months to a year after COVID are reporting that Something Is Definitely Off. So I wouldn't be surprised if this has something to do with COVID - as well as the other stuff which is tiring in its own right. [Stress makes you tired, and this is even more true the older you get.]

I'm glad that it isn't as bad as it was initially after you first got it, but your "new normal" does sound very familiar. I'm glad (and lucky) I'm not completely debilitated, but it definitely still feels like there's Something Wrong.

I feel like it's likely that we (general "everyone" we, as well as specific) won't know for an extremely long time just how much of an impact Covid has had on so many people. It wouldn't surprise me if there is future research that shows a lasting impact even in people who don't have completely disabling symptoms. (To say nothing of how it might interact with people who already had chronic conditions.)

Though fair point too - stress basically always sucks and makes everything worse, and can cause issues all on its own.

Sorry work is still sucking.

Not knowing what is causing fatigue sucks. Whether it's better to slow down or push through, if there is anything that can help, can you plan on it going away or is this just... life. Yeah, it sucks because not knowing means you're fighting it blind. If it is migraines, figuring out the trigger and whether certain things help, like making sure to stay hydrated, can make a huge difference.

(New name! Nice!)

Yeah, work is just kind of a downer right now, heh. I'm looking forward to at least a small break coming up. (One week!)

Fatigue is such a monster for all those reasons. Like... do you push through and come out better for it? Do you wait it out? Is it the new norm forever? Will a nap fix me?
Unfortunately, if it IS migraines, then one of the likely triggers is my birth control, but I'd rather deal with the fatigue and fog (even though I hate it) than a menstrual cycle (which made me literally wish for death every month).

I wonder if it could be a combination of the stress at work activating whatever long-covid effects you have? A lovely soup of suck, as it were. o_O

I hope you get your energy and ~will do do things back soon. *hugs*

That is very possible. Indeed, a soup of suck! That would make sense, though. I'm having to push through more while I'm AT work, and if my general endurance (physical, but also mental) is lower post-covid, I'm just hitting that limit while I'm there, and don't have any brainpower left afterwards. Stress is also just in general not great. (This isn't even the kind of job that should BE stressful!)

*hugs* Thank you. I hope so too.

Sunday is the last day I need to do the voicemail project

Thank goodness for that, at least! I'm sorry you were stuck in such a useless meeting, though. >.<

I'm really tired of feeling so exhausted every fucking night. Getting more rest doesn't seem to *help*, but trying to force my way through doesn't yield anything useful, so it feels like I'm just screwed either way.

It's just miserable, whatever the cause. *hugs* It's such insult to injury when more sleep doesn't help or doesn't help much.

I am so glad to soon have this stupid extra task in my metaphorical rearview mirror. It's likely that I'll have to do it again in six months or so, but theoretically we have enough people that the rotations shouldn't repeat too often. (We'll see! I'm going to be so pissed if they decide that I did it well enough they should have me do it more.)

*hugs* It DOES feel extra insulting when the sleep doesn't really help! I'm exhausted, but I just wake up still tired! It makes the sleep feel like a waste of time, yet I can't even do something else instead!

Another day of good intentions sunk by being just... so tired.

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