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Feb. 6th, 2021 08:37 pmI thought I was almost done prepping my NaMoPaiMo model, but the primer revealed a bunch of rough seams. Bleh, more filing and sanding and priming. (I'm only a week into the month. I still have time, right? Lol.)
Continuing A Show of Good Faith *is* the project that won out. I don't know why my brain sometimes fixates on projects that I'm not that interested in, but whatever, I'll use the inspiration to make some words when I've got downtime.
Though yesterday I devoted a fair amount of time to transcribing my dream journal from the last couple years. (I had it in a series of Note files on my old phone, but forgot to back them up. Since that phone is no longer able to get online or anything, I have to type them up if I want to keep them.) I have a dream journal that I started in 2009 on my laptop, though really only started using it much in mid-2011. It's been pretty hit or miss whether I write dreams down at all. I will almost every day for a long time, and then just stop entirely for months.
I started re-reading some of the dreams from 2011 on. Some of them I still have hazy memories of (mostly snippets of the settings) and some were really neat. I've often had super involved storyline type dreams, which are fun to revisit. But largely... oof. I was... pretty miserable at that point. So many of the dreams were emotionally upsetting, about Alex and me fighting, or about him and other people I loved brushing me off and not caring about me, about being cheated on and lied to.
I remember that I had dreams like that, but I didn't realize until I read back through them that there were long stretches where that was ALL I seemed to dream about. I'm extremely glad that A) I don't often have dreams like that anymore, and B) Alex and I are in a much better and healthier place relationship-wise. (Basically ace lifemates, but it works for us.)
Not really going anywhere with that, but... it does remind me how much happier I am that we are where we are. There are times I wish I could go back to my early-mid 20s, and feel like I kind of wasted them. Maybe I could "do it better" if given a second shot at it, but I'm mainly just glad that I'm not in that spot anymore.
Continuing A Show of Good Faith *is* the project that won out. I don't know why my brain sometimes fixates on projects that I'm not that interested in, but whatever, I'll use the inspiration to make some words when I've got downtime.
Though yesterday I devoted a fair amount of time to transcribing my dream journal from the last couple years. (I had it in a series of Note files on my old phone, but forgot to back them up. Since that phone is no longer able to get online or anything, I have to type them up if I want to keep them.) I have a dream journal that I started in 2009 on my laptop, though really only started using it much in mid-2011. It's been pretty hit or miss whether I write dreams down at all. I will almost every day for a long time, and then just stop entirely for months.
I started re-reading some of the dreams from 2011 on. Some of them I still have hazy memories of (mostly snippets of the settings) and some were really neat. I've often had super involved storyline type dreams, which are fun to revisit. But largely... oof. I was... pretty miserable at that point. So many of the dreams were emotionally upsetting, about Alex and me fighting, or about him and other people I loved brushing me off and not caring about me, about being cheated on and lied to.
I remember that I had dreams like that, but I didn't realize until I read back through them that there were long stretches where that was ALL I seemed to dream about. I'm extremely glad that A) I don't often have dreams like that anymore, and B) Alex and I are in a much better and healthier place relationship-wise. (Basically ace lifemates, but it works for us.)
Not really going anywhere with that, but... it does remind me how much happier I am that we are where we are. There are times I wish I could go back to my early-mid 20s, and feel like I kind of wasted them. Maybe I could "do it better" if given a second shot at it, but I'm mainly just glad that I'm not in that spot anymore.
